Sonya Black is a BABCP-accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist, Coach, Trauma Therapist and Mental Health First Aid Instructor with more than 20 years’ experience across the NHS, charity sector, private healthcare and independent practice. Here she explains how businesses can respond when ‘life happens’
Picture this. A reliable member of your team starts missing deadlines. Someone who is usually calm becomes tearful in a meeting. Another employee seems distracted, irritable or withdrawn. Do you address their performance? Ask what is going on? Say nothing because you are worried about intruding or making things worse?
This is where many managers find themselves. They are expected to know what to do, yet most have never been taught how to respond when somebody’s life suddenly changes.
People do not leave their lives at the door when they come to work. Divorce, a parent’s diagnosis, personal illness, infertility treatment, baby loss, bereavement and trauma travel with us. They affect sleep, concentration, confidence, decision-making and relationships — and inevitably, this can affect work too.
When people are struggling, it shows up in absence, presenteeism, mistakes, working relationships and whether good people stay or leave. In 2024/25, 22.1 million working days were lost to work-related stress, depression or anxiety, while average workplace absence rose to 9.4 days per employee, compared with 7.8 days in 2023. This costs UK employers up to £51 billion a year, yet evidence suggests employers receive an average return of £4.70 for every £1 invested in workplace mental health.
Looking after people is not separate from running a successful business; it is part of protecting performance, culture and retention.
This conversation is especially relevant now. Since April 2026, statutory sick pay has applied from the first day of illness, and wider bereavement leave, including pregnancy loss, is planned for 2027. A recent report from the National Forum for Health and Wellbeing at Work, produced through Alliance Manchester Business School, describes trauma as common, often invisible and relevant to every workplace. Importantly, it says trauma-informed practice is an organisational capability, not a clinical intervention. Trauma awareness is an attitudinal shift.
That distinction matters. Not every painful or stressful experience is trauma, and managers should not try to diagnose or label people. But businesses can think in a trauma-aware way by asking: do our everyday conversations, policies and processes help people feel safe, respected and able to make choices, or might they unintentionally add to the harm?
In more than 20 years of working with people through anxiety, trauma, burnout, relationship breakdown and major life changes, I have seen how easily distress can be mistaken for disengagement or poor performance. Often, the person is still trying incredibly hard to function. They may be overworking, avoiding certain situations or using every bit of energy simply to appear fine.
A manager does not need to become a therapist. Their role is not to uncover the whole story or fix what has happened. It is to notice, open a conversation, understand what is affecting work and agree what might reasonably help.
Start with the person, not the policy. You might say, ‘Is there anything you would like me to know, or anything at work that would help?’ Then listen. You do not need the perfect words. ‘I’m sorry you’re dealing with this’ or ‘What would be most useful right now?’ can be enough.
Compassion also needs clarity. ‘Take all the time you need’ may sound kind, but can leave everyone uncertain. A more helpful response might include temporary flexibility, adjusted priorities, protected time for appointments or a phased return. Agree what will change, what still needs to happen and when you will review it together.
And do review it. This isn’t a one-off chat; it is an attitudinal shift and an approach.
Good support cannot depend entirely on the personality of one sympathetic manager. Businesses need clear referral routes, sensible policies and managers who have been given practical training. An employee assistance programme can be useful, but simply handing someone a telephone number is not the same as responding well.
For smaller businesses, flexibility can feel difficult when every person is essential. But smaller organisations also have an advantage: they can often respond quickly, personally and creatively.
People remember how they were treated when life happened. So do the colleagues who were watching. Handled well, these moments build trust, loyalty and a healthier business. Handled badly, they can cost far more than a compassionate conversation ever would.
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